Sisterhood and Infidelity: This Author is Shining a Light on Accountability!

Author LeTisha Jackson has never been afraid to try again. After conquering the world of beauty pageants, she successfully merged into a career as an actress and now author. Her first book is putting the spotlight on accountability and  “girl-code” when it comes to infidelity and gives women the wings to fly above and always put their self-respect, self-love, and the bonds of sisterhood first. Let’s meet her.. The Woman Where were you born and tell us about your path prior to adulthood? What did family life look like for you? I was born in Detroit Michigan. My family would later move to the suburbs where I graduated from John F. Kennedy High School in Taylor, MI. I’m the oldest of 4 siblings. My family was very close while I was growing up, so close that cousins were, and still are, more like siblings. What would have 18-year-old LeTisha have on her vision board? A vision board for me at 18 years of age would have said “hotel entrepreneur.” I wanted to own a hotel one day called “The Jackson Towers.” However, that changed after my first pageant and the vision board goal became … “become a supermodel” Did you attend college? I did begin college at The College of Wooster in Wooster, OH, but didn’t finish because my heart and mind weren’t into it at the time. I wanted to use my time booking photo shoots, auditions, and winning beauty pageants. In the past few years, I have taken more classes at my local Community College so as to work towards completing my Associate’s Degree. For some reason, I love school at this age! Did you have a career outside of pageants either while still doing them or after? While still living in Michigan – pursuing my modeling, acting, and pageant career – I would go on to be one of the youngest women to be hired as a professional Spokesmodel for the International Auto Show circuit! I got hired at the age of 17. With that job, I traveled all over the country working for various car companies such as Ford, Buick, and Mitsubishi, among others, for 13 years. Along with pageants, my auto show career helped to hone my public speaking abilities and the gift of being able to think quickly on my feet! Was your participation in pageants something you yourself pursued or an activity you were placed in that you ended up liking (or disliking?). My pageant career began on a dare. A childhood friend (hi Lana Delves!) came to my house and dared me to do a local beauty pageant, Miss Downriver. I was only hesitant because I didn’t have much money and the pageant fee of $25 seemed like $1000! But, I asked a close neighbor and family friend for the funds and I entered the contest. I placed 1^st runner up and was rewarded the title of Miss Congeniality and was bitten with the bug right at that moment. I fell in love with getting glammed up, the closeness I experienced with the other contestants and yes, I fell in love with the attention! Was there something in you that participation in that lifestyle nurtured? Giving that question some thought, I can’t think of anything I was missing or anything that had me feeling less-than or incomplete. I had a great family life. I had good friends and I was getting ready to go to college. Participating in my first pageant did bring out my desire to be a supermodel and actress and they then nurtured in me a desire for a life outside of the mid-west. I remember wanting so much to be the black “Kate Moss.” By that I mean she was way shorter than the models of that time and I believed I could attain supermodel status too even though I was only 5’6″.  Many of the prizes won from those contests led to opportunities otherwise unknown to me. In fact, it was winning 1^st runner up in that first pageant that led to me being able to audition for the aforementioned International Auto Show Circuit. Doing pageants totally changed the trajectory of my life. I have no regrets for following where they led. Did the winning / losing motivate you in other areas of your life? Winning pageants such as Miss Downriver (finally after MANY attempts), Miss Grand Prix, Miss Michigan State Fair, and others taught me more things than I can list here. However, the most important things I learned were humility, to be thankful for every opportunity, and how to forge true friendships with women, even those I constantly competed against for various modeling jobs as well as in my pageant career. I was so inspired by Carole Gist and Kenya Moore because they were the only 2 women out of Detroit who went on to win the national Miss USA titles. For many years I worked hard to capture the Miss Michigan USA crown, believing I too could follow in the steps of Carole & Kenya and win Miss USA, but that would be a dream lost. But just as I learned humility from my wins, I equally learned humility with each loss. Losing never dampened my spirit to try, try again. Describe your life after you stopped doing pageants. What did your next pursuits involve? I stopped participating in pageants once I moved to Los Angeles California in 1996, at age 24. I was still working as a Spokesmodel for the International Auto Show Circuit and took on various side jobs while on summer hiatus from the Circuit. I would build up my office skills and my work resume by taking on various jobs with Temp Agencies in California. I loved working jobs on the graveyard shift because they afforded me having the days to audition and take acting classes. I also worked part-time in the bridal business, working at some of the country’s largest bridal stores. With years of that experience under my belt, I would eventually end my Spokesmodel career so I could get a stable job at home while still pursuing my acting and modeling career. What was your day-to-day like prior to starting to write your book? Prior to writing “Woman to Woman”, I was still pursuing an acting career while working in the bridal business. Little did I know that falling in love would be the end of all my pursuits. I ended my own dreams to pursue my vision of love. Unfortunately, I admit to doing what far too many women do, and that’s putting my dreams to the side in order to be at my man’s side; losing my own life to become subsumed in his. The Author Tell us about your book, “Woman to Woman: Letters from Wives to Mistresses”. “Woman to Woman” is based on my real-life interactions with my then-husband’s mistress. Unlike any other book written on the subject of adultery – which often focuses on the husband to wife betrayal, or why the man cheats, or why women stay with men who cheat – “Woman to Woman” effectively changes the perspective of adultery from the husband-to-wife betrayal to the “woman to woman” betrayal. “Woman to Woman,” tells my heart-wrenching story of finding out about my husband’s affair…a LONG affair, an affair where my husband was living 2 lives. It further offers my conjecture and insight into the negative dynamics that exist within the female community; where these dynamics come from, why they still exist, and how we can change them. The betrayal I’ve pointed out focuses on the women who knowingly get involved with another woman’s husband. It takes to the task the women who are more than willing to be part of tearing apart the one thing so many women want…a family. Another unique and outstanding part of “Woman to Woman” is that it offers rare insight into the minds of the cheated-on wives AS WELL AS into the minds of mistresses. I gathered real-life letters from both wives and mistresses and shares those in the book in Chapters 7 & 8, respectively. Wives were asked to write a letter as if speaking directly to the mistress involved with her husband – whether she knew the mistress or not. And, mistresses were asked to write a letter as if speaking directly to the wife of the man she was/is involved with. The only restrictions were no egregious profanity and no use of full names for any party involved.

What they’re saying about the book:

• R & B singer and star of “Love & Hope Hop: Hollywood” Ms. Teairra Mari is a lot younger than me and isn’t married and she said “, “Hunni…go pick this book up!”

• While “Woman to Woman” does take to task women who knowingly become mistresses, USA Today Bestselling Author, Kecia Bal said that I “handle the topic of the mistress with grace…”

• The lovely Ms. Mimi Faust of “Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta” fame agrees, as she called “Woman to Woman” “compelling and hard to put down.”

  Can all women gain something from the book? Absolutely! “Woman to Woman” was written for women only, whether single or married, young or more mature in age. “Woman to Woman” leaves women with no choice but to put themselves in the shoes of their sisters, which elicits the compassion we need to develop what I think is in short supply in our community, and that is loyalty. My motto is “loyalty is key.” [Tweet “”Woman to Woman” leaves women with no choice but to put themselves in the shoes of their sisters, which elicits the compassion we need to develop what I think is in short supply in our community, and that is loyalty.”] This book makes women do some serious and genuine self-evaluation which leads to an honest answer about whether we’re a problem within our sisterhood, not just the mistress issue, but our thoughts and feelings about our sisters as a whole. And, if we can admit we’re a problem, then we can do the work and become a solution within our sisterhood so we stop passing on these destructive traits and behaviors to our younger generations of females. Was there a catalyst or experience, whether your own or someone else’s that inspired this book? Yes. After 12 1/2 years together (7 years of dating, 5 ½ years of marriage), I had my heart and my life shattered when my husband’s mistress contacted me to let me know she was having an affair with my husband. That began the domino effect culminating in me finding out my husband had a whole other life with his mistress. What would you say NOW that the experience taught you? That experience taught me that women, my sisters, have a lot more power in these wayward affairs, in fact, as I state within the book…they have ALL the power! And because they hold the power, they are the ones who can help shut down this destructive behavior that keeps our sisterhood fractured. I also learned I was no longer the confident and strong woman who moved to California with big dreams. I had become what I thought my man wanted. As I say in the book…” I went from long beautiful windswept weaves and Jimmy Choo’s to long cornrows, jeans, and sneakers.” That experience also taught me that I had a tremendous gift of loving unconditionally and forgiving the unforgivable. I did finally come to my senses and learned that NO MAN, indeed NO PERSON, is worth losing our identity over. I learned there is a difference between love and obsession. I loved my then-husband, but my addiction, indeed my obsession with him, was unhealthy and unsustainable. [Tweet “That experience also taught me that I had a tremendous gift of loving unconditionally and forgiving the unforgivable.”] In this current time and phase of my life, I’ve learned that I am enough all by myself and I don’t need a man to make me feel complete. I’ve proven that to myself by spending the last 11 years as a single, non-dating, and celibate women. Have you healed from it and what active steps did you take to heal? Was therapy something you tried during this time? Yes, I have finally healed from that devastation. It took several years. There’s no timetable for it. Each person will heal whenever or however long it takes. While in the midst of the affair, I wasn’t healing. I was praying for strength and comfort, but mostly for God to unharden my husband’s heart so that he might come back home to me. I thought my prayers were being answered because my husband was still coming around. But that had more to do with his wants and his ego than wanting to heal our marriage. I didn’t fully heal until I began writing “Woman to Woman” again (I started writing it way back while still in the midst of the affair but stopped after a woman in the industry gave me negative feedback based on her own personal feelings). I didn’t conform to what others’ definition of “being strong” was. My healing involved a lot of crying when I needed to cry to release the searing pain. I screamed when I needed to scream to release anger. And of course, most important, I prayed that my heart would be put back together along with my confidence. I should have, but I never sought therapy beyond my then-husband’s parents who, at the time, were the Pastor and First Lady of our church. Did you decide to stay or leave the relationship? I wanted desperately to save my marriage. I stayed because I didn’t believe in divorce at the time. I wanted to keep my vow of “for better or for worse.” I was willing to stay despite the situation getting even worse for me. You’ll have to read the book to find out the depth of unconditional love I had for my ex-husband. If you dealt with a mistress, did you find that the relationship was built on a bed of lies and that she was just as naïve or that she was a willing participant acting with full knowledge that the man was in a whole other relationship? “Woman to Woman” is not just the title of my book. Those 3 words have a lot of meaning behind them. Those were the three words his mistress said to me, followed by words that will shock everyone who reads the book. Did you have a strong faith at the time? Yes. It was only my strong faith that helped me not just throw in the towel on my marriage, as damaged as it was. It was my faith that let me know I could forgive my husband if he came home to. And it was my faith that kept me from ending my life to stop the pain. I knew God would get me through the pain to the other side, whether I stayed or decided to divorce. Support circle of friends and family? Out of shame and humiliation, I didn’t let my family know what was going on. I did have the support of fellow church members, as well as many members in his family, especially his parents and his sisters. I did, what I’ve come to find out so many of my sisters do, and that protects our cheating spouses from the anger of our family so they don’t have an influence on our decision either way. How did the experience make you BETTER? That devastating experience made me take a step back and do some real and deep introspection. I needed to know why I married someone who had never shown he had the capacity to be loyal and faithful. Discovering the answer to that and other things made me more self-aware. I learned there is a big difference between love, passion, and obsession. As mentioned previously, I have been single & celibate for 11 years and I’ve never been happier. I don’t even give my phone number out! That experience helped me get to this place of true joy and peace by myself. I know now that I’m whole all by myself. I have learned how to love myself! What was your main goal with the book- what problem did you want it to solve or tackle? First and foremost, I want my book to make women realize that knowingly taking on the role of mistress IS a betrayal of our womanhood AND our sisterhood. I also want it to make my sisters realize that we have the power to put an end to this destructive behavior. “Woman to Woman” is ultimately about re-establishing the “Girl Code” and having a genuine sisterhood where we get to the place where women can trust women again. “Woman to Woman” was written to start the long-overdue conversation of why our sisterhood is so fractured with regards to the mistress – our sisters who don’t mind throwing other women into that abyss of pain despite having been there or not wanting to be in that place themselves. “Woman to Woman” was written to shine a light on the fractures in this thing we call sisterhood. It goes into why the face of sisterhood we hold up for the world crumbles when it comes to a man. The goal of writing the book is to heal those fractures by eliciting personal and individual responsibility, honesty, compassion, and forgiveness, and my main goal, effecting loyalty between women in an effort to strengthen our worldwide sisterhood. Two of my main mottos are “Loyalty is Key” and “I AM my sister’s keeper.” Many would say much of adultery is rooted in a foundation of a lack of wholeness of the participating parties. Is it up to women to carry the burden of putting out the fires before they scorch everyone or are the men who may be holding the matches held accountable as well? To me, adultery is rooted in nothing but old-fashioned, pure unadulterated selfishness. The parties involved in an affair only care about what they want and could care less about hurting others. And yes, it IS up to women to bear the burden of responsibility but NOT the responsibility of the cheating husband, but rather their own personal responsibility for what they’re doing to the sister on the other side, and overall, their responsibility to our sisterhood as a whole. I get emails and messages on social media from women who are outraged that I would dare blame the other woman. There are many who believe the blame falls with the husband and the husband only. They’re angry at me because they think I’m lessening the man’s culpability. They calm down and say they understand when I tell them that “Woman to Woman” was written for women only. That I do mention that the man is at fault as well. But, the focus of my book is women because there’s loyalty lacking in our sisterhood and I needed to address that. Many women think my motto involving loyalty is not something we “owe” to each other. I respectfully disagree. At the very least, we owe each other better than choosing to help tear apart another woman’s family…don’t we? Do you think the same “brotherhood” needs to be formed between men since many women cheat as well? Of course, “bro code” needs to be strengthened as well, but I can’t write from a man’s perspective. So let one of them write “Man to Man”. LOL! After completing the book have you found that people discovered a desire to work harder on their relationships in crisis versus seeking intimacy outside that threatens their vows and family stability? I have not discovered that exact thing. But I have heard from women, even those who started off going off on me, that they agree that “Girl Code” barely exists and we do have to do better by one another. That makes me so happy. All I want is for women to come together in a real and genuine way so loyalty and respect can be reestablished amongst us. We need to come together so that sisterhood is not just a hashtag or the movement of the moment. We need to exact true and sustainable loyalty from “woman to woman”. What was the most consistent theme you saw from the sentiments expressed by the women from either side? Within the personal letters from the wives to mistresses, the sentiment expressed overall was a feeling of disappointment. Disappointment that a woman would help devastate another woman in this way. And, the overall sentiment expressed by the mistresses, surprisingly, was regret. But the letters are much more far-reaching than the overall sentiments. You would think that the letters from the wives would be the same because adultery is adultery, but when you read their words, you feel their individual pain, anger, and disappointment. They want what I want…to heal our sisterhood so that we stop helping to do this to one another. What is the overall lesson the book is teaching women? That loyalty is key in healing our sisterhood. “Woman to Woman” starts an uncomfortable but necessary conversation about our sisters who are proud to wear the title of mistress like a “Miss America” sash. The overall lesson is that of individual responsibility for the things we do to hurt one another and changing this negative dynamic “woman to woman” so the face of sisterhood we hold up for all to see becomes built on respect and loyalty. One of the quotes on my website, letishajackson.com, says “I don’t have to know you to have respect for you. My loyalty to our sisterhood guarantees it.” I want all my sisters to have the same commitment to taking personal responsibility for ANY negative thing done to hurt other women. I want all my sisters to be part of healing our worldwide sisterhood. Self-Love is the best love. How can we instill in women to love themselves enough to not willingly participate in such damaging behaviors? You’re right, self-love is the best love and I don’t quite understand how a woman in the role of mistress believes they’re showing themselves love if they’re okay with being a “side-chic”, a secret relegated mostly to what they do between the sheets. Self-love, like many things, becomes a mantra that people just say but don’t really practice. Self-love is vague and broad in its meaning, because self-love may mean something different to different people. But, if self-love doesn’t include self-respect then it begs the question, do you REALLY love yourself? Each of us has to ask that question of ourselves. I also believe we can say we genuinely love ourselves when we’re not just looking out for ourselves, but are also looking out for the welfare of others. Me finally loving myself means I allow myself to love others, even when we disagree. My self-love means I respect myself and others. I can’t feel whole if I only care about myself. The Future What is up next for you? Right now, I’m steeped in the press for the book. By the time this interview goes to print, I will have been featured on the national TV show “The LIST” with Kristina Guerrero!* I also have several Podcast interviews being lined up as well. I’m writing the big-screen adaptation of my book. It’s so good! I’ve also just completed writing a reality TV show, as well as a scripted comedy show that I hope to be shopping around soon. I’m honored to say that award-winning Journalist & TV Host Bridget Smith is working with me to set up “Woman to Woman” symposiums across the country, either in-studio or virtually. We are in the very beginning stages of this. These events will require women who want to participate, to read “Woman to Woman” and then attend the symposium for a discussion based on their insight, opinions, and feelings about the book. The purpose of these gatherings will be to have these uncomfortable but necessary in-depth talks about how we can heal our sisterhood going forward. I’m also working on my own internet show titled after my book, “Woman to Woman.” It’s to be a casual interview-like environment wherein women will talk about ANY issues they’re having with another woman. It can be the issues between women in the same family, a best friend, an enemy. I’m booking women/wives who’ve been cheated on, and I’m working on getting mistresses to come forward and speak on the show as well. My goal is to bring women together to have real conversations about their issues. What makes my show different is that my guests will focus more on their own personal responsibility in the problem as opposed to what most shows do which is have guests point the finger of blame at others. My show is about healing fractures with self-accountability. More books? I do have another book idea. It will be a book that literally saves the lives of my sisters. I can’t give away too much because, like “Woman to Woman”, it’s another one-of-a-kind project. Tell our readers where they can find out more information about you. IG: @letishasjackson FB: @womantowomanloyalty Twitter: @AuthorYay TikTok: @letishasjackson Clubhouse: @letishasjackson You can also order my memoir at www.letishajackson.com/shop    *As of the publishing date of this article, this interview has not yet aired. Visit the feature website for updates.